How Not to Woo a Woman

September 19, 2007 at 11:25 am (Dating)

Some of my readers may remember a man from the early days of this dating experiment who turned my head, opened my nose, and generally drove me crazy, to the point where a good friend (yes, this means you, ThinMan) had to figuratively slap me in the face and tell me I was being stupid.  I was reluctant to post about this fellow, because I try not to post about the ones I like, in case they do wander over here (yes, this means you TragicCrusade).  But, I don’t like this guy anymore and so, as my coworker, Crusty, declared this morning, he is hereby Fodder for the Blog.

Honestly, I’m beginning to feel contempt for this man, whom TenFeet and I now call The Cad.  Where did he go wrong?  Well, let’s see….

1. He stopped responding to my emails and phone calls.
2. When he did respond, it was to offer an mp3 or a one-liner apropos of nothing that had been communicated before.
3. He supposedly got someone pregnant during the time he was sort of courting me.
4. He disappeared (I thought for good) for 2 weeks, during which time I met and began relationships with fantastic men who, though themselves flawed, are infinitely better than the Cad.
5. He told me his name was Seamus Worth when it really was Seamus Vermin.*
6. He started to woo me from a different site under the name Seamus Vermin.
7. When I confronted him on the similarity between Seamus Worth and Seamus Vermin, he changed his name to Matthew Vermin.
8. As Matthew Vermin, he sent me sexually charged emails demanding that I meet with him because he was horny, then he called me a coward, accused me of playing games, and told me to “Go smoke a cock.”
9. He called me, and when I told him I was involved with someone else, he asked me to set him up with my hot Asian friend (yes, this means you, TenFeet).
10. During that conversation it became clear to me that he was masturbating while he was on the phone with me.
11. He accused me of ignoring him
12. Finally, he emailed me to tell me he was bored of my games.

Earlier today I felt like I’d dodged a bullet on this one, but now I’ve come to see it’s something more like a cannonball.

*These are not his real name and real pseudonym, but they sufficiently approximate the originals.