I Did Not Die

April 28, 2008 at 5:34 pm (der Fuß)

I survived the surgery. I have a shiny new cast which is significantly heavier than the old one. Pouring rain made negotiating my way with the crutches a little difficult. I have taken the first of many percosets, so far to no avail. Foot hurts and tingles like it’s asleep, but I was told it’s just the local anaesthesia. I was also sedated, and went down as soon as the anaesthetist told me that she was going to give me a “cocktail.” (“Here comes the supernatural anaesthetist/ If he wants you to snuff it, all you have to do is puff it/ He’s such a fine dancer.”) Next thing I knew, I was in recovery, being told to wiggle my toes.

Two titanium screws now hold my foot together. No walking for 6 weeks, after which I will be fitted with a removable aircast. I need to get some sharpies. A certain member of my family is not unlike Jigglypuf in her penchant for drawing on people. My new cast is like a blank canvas to her.

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I Forgot to Mention

April 25, 2008 at 9:35 pm (new york)

In all the excitement about the accident, I forgot about the time, two weeks ago, when SuperFudge and I saw a young man crossing the street with his thumb literally up his ass. And I thought the pacifier trend was annoying.

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Cruel World

April 25, 2008 at 12:16 am (Dating, der Fuß)

Don’t let the problems of this world drive you slowly out of your mind
Just smile at the problem and say, “It bes that way sometimes.”

My surgery is set for Monday afternoon.  As my mom wheeled me into my apartment after yet another afternoon spent in a doctor’s office, I found this note from my management company stuck in my door:

To: All Tenants

Please be advised that we have scheduled a complete modernization/upgrade of the elevator which will commence on Thursday, May 22, 2008.

Therefore, no one will be allowed to use the elevator during this time. We anticipate this work to take approximately 8 to 10 weeks.

Soon I will be a prisoner in my own home. The great irony in all this is that I didn’t really want to go to Boston. I was going to cancel, and stay home, in bed, playing on the computer and watching Law and Order reruns on USA. But then I thought, oh, I should go out and do something different for a change and stop being lazy and isolated. Now I get to spend the next 8 weeks in bed, playing working on the computer, watching Law and Order reruns on USA.

I guess I have until May 22 to go on dates. Don’t want to invite suitors to my apartment too soon. Last time I did that, well, nuff said.

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Foot Update

April 21, 2008 at 12:28 pm (der Fuß)

The very crucial bone in my foot is shattered in 4 or 5 places. Surgery this week for sure, perhaps as soon as tomorrow night.

Update: My surgery was rescheduled for Monday. I got a battery of pre-op tests done this afternoon. I wiped out spectacularly trying to get into the hospital. My mother feels terribly guilty for letting me fall, but I told her that today’s was just the first of many during my invalid phase.

Recalling some of the diagnosis from my cat scan results, I’ve done some internet research on my fracture. A little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

From emedicine.com:

Fractures of the navicular body

Fractures of the [navicular] body are commonly associated with other injuries of the midtarsal joint. Sangeorzan et al categorized navicular body fractures into 3 types, as follows:

Type 1 is a coronal fracture with no dislocation.
Type 2 is a dorsolateral to plantomedial fracture with medial forefoot displacement.
Type 3 is a comminuted fracture with lateral forefoot displacement and carries the worst prognosis.
All navicular body fractures with 1 mm or more of displacement require open reduction and internal fixation.

Guess which type I have? Yes, that’s right, type 3. What does that mean? Well, if there are no complications during the surgery, I’m looking at 6 weeks at least of non-weight-bearing cast-wearing.

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These Dreams

April 20, 2008 at 10:16 am (Uncategorized)

Every night this week I’ve dreamt about the same thing: walking on two feet and driving my car.

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Prince Charming

April 20, 2008 at 10:14 am (Uncategorized)

TragicCrusade: “If your new man can’t deal with the smell of monkey poo, then he’s the wrong man for you.”

Yes, I kind of have a new man. No, I do not smell like monkey poo.

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Pain Management

April 18, 2008 at 10:23 pm (Uncategorized)

Six days as an invalid, and it’s been a learning experience. TragicCrusade came over yesterday to give me some pointers on living with limited mobility. His first bit of advice: clean my apartment. Well, easier said than done. I was never particularly inclined to clean it when I had two working feet. But now that I can’t carry anything and walk at the same time, I am even less interested in picking up around the place. Where is that cleaning person I was promised last summer?

TragicCrusade also had some pointers for pain management. Yesterday both legs hurt worse than they did even on the day of the accident. The “good” leg–good only because it doesn’t have a broken foot–was exhausted and seizing up on me during the long walks to and from the doctor’s office and the car. The bad leg has been twitching in the cast, and each spasm shoots pain through my heel. At one point this afternoon I was lying in the bed, crying, pounding the mattress and screaming for ice. TC gave me some breathing and visualization exercises, which, frankly, I was too distracted to use. Screaming seemed more appropriate.

Things calmed down as soon as I got the ice I demanded. But I knew the pain was going to come back when no one was around to help me. My work friend, Irma, came by to cheer me up with treats and gossip. Right after she left, the pain came back in waves.

You know what’s a good distraction from a searing, stabbing pain in the achilles tendon? The sudden and undeniable realization that you have to go to the bathroom. I booked it like an Olympic champion from the kitchen to the bathroom, pain be damned.

Look out. By the end of the summer I am going to have the strongest left leg in the world.

Oh, and much as I would like to emulate House, the vicodin I was prescribed does absolutely nothing.

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Clean, the Cleanest I’ve Been

April 17, 2008 at 8:25 am (Uncategorized)

After many days of lying crippled in my own filth, I finally took a shower this morning. TragicCrusade warned me that it could take as long as 2 hours, but I succeeded in scrubbing myself in a little more than an hour. Yay. Bagging and taping my leg was a little tricky, and I spent a few ridiculous minutes hopping around in a circle trying to figure out how to lower myself onto the bath chair. Getting out of the tub was also challenging. Luckily my bathroom is tiny; I was able to hoist myself up by holding onto the sink faucet with one hand and pushing off on a crutch in the tub with the other.

After all that exertion, I really could have used a nap. So, I think I will swtich my bathing schedule to the nighttime.

Off to the doctor to find out what’s to be done about this foot.

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Bacci Ball

April 15, 2008 at 6:53 pm (Uncategorized)

He's a mean s.o.b., too!

That is one fat squirrel!

 

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Accidents Will Happen, or “I Hate Boston”

April 15, 2008 at 3:21 pm (Uncategorized)

Yeah, so, I was in a car crash and broke my foot.  Don’t want to give all the details here, because it looks like I might have to sue some people.  I was not driving, for those of you keeping score.

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