Boo Hoo!

September 7, 2008 at 10:03 pm (new york)

Cafe Mozart, where La Belle Helene and Basie had their first date and Tragic Crusade and I had our second non-date, is CLOSED!!  Where will I get my tarte au citron now?!

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Potty Mouth

May 12, 2008 at 9:40 pm (new york)

Talking with my mother this afternoon, I let slip, “This is fucking bullshit,” in describing the passive aggressive email I got from my boss at 4:58 pm today. I’ve cussed in front of my mother before, but this was the first time she didn’t admonish me. When I had my second car accident, and she was the passenger, all I could say was “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” To which she replied, “Quiconque, your language!”

But I don’t have a career in broadcasting. I don’t sit in front of a live mike twice a day. Mere minutes before I wrote this entry, I had the pleasure of hearing local news anchor Sue Simmons exclaim during a news break in the middle of the Medium broadcast, “What the fuck are you doing!?” I briefly thought I’d imagined it, but a quick call to Superfudge corroborated things. For the first time in many months, I guess I’ll stay tuned for the local news tonight. Cussing on air apparently is a good marketing strategy.

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Domestic Disturbance

May 8, 2008 at 11:04 pm (new york)

Ashyknees came to visit me this afternoon. We had a wonderful time eating Chinese food, talking about men, and researching intimate toys online.

Shortly after Ashy left, the loud crazy neighbors who always scream at each other across the hall got into something severe enough to warrant a visit from the friendly neighborhood police. I was lying in bed watching Eastern Promises on the computer and Ugly Betty on the tv (I am an excellent multitasker) when I heard the male neighbor ask petulantly, “Then why am I being arrested?” I paused the dvd and muted the tv so I could eavesdrop on what was going on.

I heard a female officer ask the man if he’d taken his medication that morning, to which he replied yes. The man went on to explain that he’d smacked his girlfriend in the face two days ago, but under no circumstances had he punched her, and he was not responsible for the current injuries to her face.

A male officer informed the man that he did not have the right to smack his girlfriend, and that she was not a child for him to discipline. The man then launched into a long and meandering story about how he was hit by a Metro North train 5 years ago while saving his 6 year old grandson. (Have you ever seen a Metro North train roll into the station? A hit from one of those is no love tap. I would not have thought anyone could survive that.) The officer was indulgent, and offered the man sympathy along the lines of, “Oh, that’s too bad, crazy man, but I don’t quite see what that has to do with today’s events, back to which I would eagerly like to get.”

I then heard my neighbor say standard abuser shit like, “I pay all the bills,” and “She never listens to me.”

Unfortunately, I didn’t get to hear whether the police carted him away, because my other neighbors came out to the hallway with their adorably noisy beagle/spaniel puppy, Peanut Butter. I’ll have to keep an ear out for more news.

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I Forgot to Mention

April 25, 2008 at 9:35 pm (new york)

In all the excitement about the accident, I forgot about the time, two weeks ago, when SuperFudge and I saw a young man crossing the street with his thumb literally up his ass. And I thought the pacifier trend was annoying.

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Vandals and Thieves

March 11, 2008 at 9:05 am (new york)

Vandals and thieves broke into my car this morning.  They smashed the back window, rifled through my stuff, and stole a bunch of CDs and the GPS.

The joke’s on them.  Yes, I will miss the CDs, and it will be a hassle figuring out which were taken and replacing them.  But the GPS doesn’t work, as SuperFudge and TragicCrusade can attest from our last trip to Philadelphia.  I never keep money in the car, and my satchel only contained chalk and paper.  The most valuable item in the car, a textbook worth $115, was untouched.

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