October 27, 2008 at 8:56 am (Dating)

I had a date with a man last Thursday.  It went well.  He was good-looking (resembles Courtney Vance), good smelling, polite, interesting, and…he paid for dinner, which is very rare among my first dates.   We even enjoyed a lovely kiss at the close of the date. 

On Friday and Saturday we discussed the possibility of seeing each other again over the weekend.  Sunday seemed like the best day, and in between flirty texts, he said he would call me Sunday afternoon to settle on a time and place. 

Here is a transcript of Sunday afternoon’s texts:

Him: Hi

Me: What’s up?

Him: Nothing’s changed.

Me: What does that mean?

Him: Nothing

Me: I’m sorry, but you’re being a little cryptic.  When you say, “nothing’s changed” do you mean you still don’t know whether you’re free this evening or are you talking about something else?

Him (20 minutes later): I don’t appreciate being called cryptic.*

Me: I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to offend you.  I guess you’re busy.  I’ll talk to you later.

Him: For a smart lady, you make a lot of assumptions.

Me: Help me understand, then.

Him (20 minutes later): There’s nothing to help you with.  I told you I’d call you this afternoon about going out this evening.  That has not changed.  Your comments and assumptions are inappropriate.

All right then!  No need for me to answer that text message, or any more from that man!  (And don’t get me started on the ridiculousness of a 45-year-old man conducting conversations via text).  As Ichi commented, “I’m sorry he showed his ass so quickly, but better you learn that about him now than later.”

*La Belle Helene posits, “He doesn’t understand the word ‘cryptic.’ He thought you were calling him the Crypt-Keeper.”


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Dinner of Mortification

October 13, 2008 at 1:17 pm (Dating)

I’ve been bemoaning my romantic dry spell lately, but Elizabeth’s latest entry reminds me that eating dinner by myself staring out my kitchen window is not necessarily a bad thing.

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September 19, 2008 at 12:25 pm (Dating)

Oh dear.  I dashed a gentleman’s hopes this afternoon.  Why do I feel so bad when I do this sort of thing?  I thought I was made of sterner stuff.

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September 18, 2008 at 12:11 am (Dating)

Words actually uttered by my date last night within five minutes of having met me: “Oh, you have a little mustache.  That’s so cute!  I love little mustaches.”

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Sad Sack

September 16, 2008 at 9:53 am (Dating)

How does one reply when a potential suitor makes the following statements in a phone conversation?

  • I don’t take rejection well.  I guess I have to thicken my skin.
  • I opened up my heart in the past and I got very hurt.
  • I am not the kind of person who believes in predictions, but there was a psychic named Nostradamus, have you heard of Nostradamus?, who said the world will end in 2012.
  • Every night I pray to god to send me a woman.
  • Do you think, perhaps, some time in the future, you might want to go out on a date with me?

I did respond to the last one with, “No, I don’t think so.”  But now he’s decided that means “Try harder.”

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Skin Privilege Comes to Niche Dating

September 12, 2008 at 12:07 pm (Dating)

Some douchebag actually wrote the following in his dating profile:

My ideal mate would be tall hopefully, brown light-skinned(RED-BONE) with all due respect but beggars can’t be choosey!lol athletic/thick but not too big/maybe even full figured woman with a good head on her shoulders

This is even worse that the profiles that, under the ethnicity of their ideal woman, list every racial/ethnic combination EXCEPT African American. 

So, he’ll bend his standards for the right kind of fatties, but not the darkies?  Charming.

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September 4, 2008 at 12:48 pm (Dating)

This lovely missive came to me from a man on a free dating site this afternoon:

Date Sep 3, 2008 09:18 PM
Subject Hi Pretty.
Message Hi Pretty.
How are you doing? Well am Dennis by name. I don’t just email random female but i found you so different and special. I am single Man i think cos i haven’t found the Right woman for me. down in my heart of heart i know that there is a woman out there that wants to love me for me and wants to be loved by me in return just haven’t had much luck in finding her but I know she is out there somewhere so I continue to search!! The voices in my head say you could be The One do you hear them, too? I’d like to start up a serious conversation with you, can I write you more sometime? I’m looking for a serious relationship, are you? All your imperfections are perfect for me. there maybe distance in between us but our hearts could be so close. Don’t you agree? Your smile lights up my screen. Want to know what your eyes do? Your smile lights up the screen like a firecracker ready for an explosive connection? You’re burning up my monitor are you always this hot? You’re just too good to be true, can’t take my eyes off of you.Got to get you into my life! I want it all…starting with a response from you if i may confess When I see your picture, the world stops as if the only purpose in life was for me to drop you a note,i will like to Get to know you better.Hope to read from you soon..


Before you ask, no, this is not any Dennis I have ever met.  But perhaps this is THE Dennis?  The Dennis I am destined to spend the rest of my life with?  I did not want to let my chance at happiness and fulfillment slip by; so I replied immediately:


This is exactly the kind of message I’ve been waiting for. You sound like a wonderful man who is ready to have a meaningful relationship. Tell me, do you like kids? I really want to have a baby in the next year. I hope you have copious sperm to impregnate me.

I eagerly await your reply,

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Oh, No, He Didn’t II

September 3, 2008 at 12:45 pm (Dating)

In an effort, perhaps misguided, to bounce back after the breakup and take advantage of the nice weather and my increased mobility, I resumed internet dating.  I started an email correspondence with a man who had, among his photos, pictures of himself in full cycling gear amidst a crowd of other cyclists.  So, I asked him about the bike race, the training necessary to participate in it, and whether or not he won.  This was his reply:

its not a race sweetie its actually a bike tour.. pretty much can ride at ur own pace… its the annual ncy 5 borobike tour have u ever heard of such..

There is no reason for me to contact this man ever again.  Am I wrong in thinking this?  I mean, I call people sweetie, too, but I usually limit its use to my intimate circle.  The only strangers I call sweetie are very young cute children.  Also, why would a man in his mid-30s write an email like a lazy texting teen?



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Melancholy Earworms

September 3, 2008 at 9:54 am (Dating)

Can’t get Sade’s “Is It a Crime?” out of my head this morning.  Last week it was Nina Simone’s “Break Down and Let It All Out.”

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A Dialectic Like Any Other

August 30, 2008 at 10:18 am (Dating)

I stumbled across this gem on someone’s OKCupid profile.  The graphic is a little intense and the text moves too quickly for a slow reader, but the music is awesome, as is the content.

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