More Pillow Talk

June 30, 2008 at 8:36 am (Dating)

Ichi: “Your spicy noodles are flying around the room.”

Quiconque: “What?”

Ichi: “Your spicy noodles grew wings and are flying around the room!”

Quiconque: “Are you dreaming this?”

Ichi: “Yes, I’m dreaming this!” Zzzzzz

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Let’s Start a Rock Band!

June 29, 2008 at 2:44 pm (Uncategorized)

We’ll call it Capital I and this will be our theme song. Who wants in?

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Verdict: Work Sucks

June 24, 2008 at 10:17 pm (Uncategorized)

Married To The Sea
marriedtothesea.com

Today was my first day back since the accident.  As tiresome and boring as convalescence has been, work is infinitely worse.  My moronic, lazy, and hateful bosses have managed to become more moronic, lazier, and more hateful in my absence.

Moronic and lazy, why, what can I mean?  Since I don’t have access to my actual desk, I thought I would spend the week entering the course catalogue into the online registration module.  It’s not difficult, but it is tedious and time-consuming.  No one else in my office has bothered to learn the software.  However, I couldn’t do it, because the catalogue is not ready–they’re still putting finishing touches on it.  They were putting “finishing touches” on it the week of my accident.   More annoying, my Useless Boss informed me that they will not be doing online registration this year because, “We didn’t know when you would be back.”  So, a registration module that took 8 people two years to create and implement is going to be abandoned in its SECOND YEAR because my bosses are too lazy to learn the software or too dimwitted to send the student worker to the computer center for training.   Now, I know, I am the assistant, and therefore detailed work should fall to me.  But that means that the bosses should be focused on the big picture.  That neither of them has considered how enrollment might be adversely affected by their laziness astounds me.  That these two incredibly self-centered people haven’t considered how a drop in revenue might adversely affect their own employment is even more amazing.

But, really, are they hateful too?  Oh, my yes.  A few weeks ago, the dean had a building-wide meeting to discuss issues pertinent to all the departments housed in our building.   During the meeting, my Hateful Boss interrupts the dean to say, “Our department is in a bad situation because we don’t know when Quiconque is returning.  I’ve tried to contact her and she hasn’t gotten back to me.  I don’t know how she’s doing and I can’t plan the semester.”  To which the dean replied that her comments would be addressed at another time and that the meeting was not the appropriate venue.  Luckily, Irmaturd and Crust were there.  Irma approached the dean after the meeting and informed her that my Hateful Boss is a liar.  I have repeatedly emailed her and informed her when I was coming back.  So, the question is, why is she trying to jam me up to the dean in front of other departments?

So, would I be paranoid in predicting that when the registration situation blows up that somehow I will be blamed?

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Bad Neigh

June 20, 2008 at 9:38 pm (Uncategorized)

I don’t care how low the fees are.  I don’t want to live there!

PROPERTY DESCRIPTION
 

This great two bedroom condo offers lots of sunlight, only two year old building, laundry room in the basement, close to the #2-5 trains, shops, schools, houses of hardship, very low common charge only $306 and taxes 26 quarterly, hardwood floors, hardwood cabinets, one and a half bath, and a walk in closet, very easy to show, two hours notice….

 

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Hey, TV Announcers!

June 19, 2008 at 3:05 pm (Uncategorized)

A MEMento helps you reMEMber past fun times.  When you think MEMento, think MEMory.

MOmentum is mass X velocity.  In figurative language, it can also refer to the increased development of a project.  When you think MOmentum, think MOtion.

Momento is not a word in English.

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Can’t Stop Thinking About…

June 18, 2008 at 2:25 pm (Uncategorized)

Giancarlo Esposito

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Ill Communications

June 17, 2008 at 8:22 pm (Dating)

Lying around waiting for this foot to heal has given me a lot of time to trawl the online dating sites.  It’s the beginning of summer and there are lots of new faces out there, looking for a summer fling.

Be careful, though, because that good-looking man with the well-written profile might turn out to be a ROBOT.  Of course, I cannot be sure, but here’s the evidence so far:

Via email, he asked me what I was studying.   I replied that I was getting a doctorate in anthropology, to which he responded: Anthropology is an interesting field, not too many people go into that field, though it does have modern applications in our society, is closely connected to sociology and psychology, and is no longer just “Margaret Mead”.

In a subsequent email, he asked me what I like to do for fun over the summer. I replied, listing all the stuff I normally do (when I don’t have a broken foot) like SummerStage, Shakespeare in the Park, Lincoln Center’s outdoor concerts, etc. This is what he had to say: NYC activities are great in the summer, I saw Hamlet in the park last Friday (great show but it is very long about 3-3 1/2 hours).

Now, this is a little like Emperor Joseph II telling Mozart that his symphony had too many notes. Lauren Ambrose is supposed to be incandescent as Ophelia, and all this man can say is that the play was very long!

As lackluster as these messages were, they were at least benign. Not so with a recent ex who resurfaced this weekend. I broke up with him in early September because he hardly communicated, never took me anywhere (despite repeated invitations on my part to get out of the house), was an incredibly selfish lover, and never seemed genuinely interested in me or my interests. In short, he was a para-player.

The first email was innocent enough and completely within his laconic style: What’s up?
Within 2 exchanges he was inquiring whether I was seeing anyone and whether he and I could hook up. When I told him to take it easy, he replied, Hey you know you like it 😉 remember you kept telling me how you liked my velvet like tip? i do miss kissing u…

ACK!! That is so gross, inappropriate, and wrong! (And a LIE. I never praised his parts because they were frightening, and we hardly ever kissed because he was never interested in doing anything I enjoyed).

More sternly, I replied that I was not interested in resuming a sexual relationship with him and that he was completely out of line. And then he backtracked clumsily, It was just words, my gosh, who said i wanted to have that relationship either? i didnt see me writing below…

So, yeah, all the things I didn’t like about him last year are still in effect. Good to know that my judgment is sound.

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For Real and True

June 17, 2008 at 7:20 pm (Uncategorized)

PARTNER MANAGING
E.W. KENNEDY & BIGNELL SOLICITORS
http://www.btinternet.com/~Kennedy.Solicitors

Notification of Bequest
Attention:Beneficiary,
On behalf of the Trustees and Executor of the estate of Late Prof Roger Michael
Needham. I once again try to notify you as my earlier letter was returned
undelivered. I hereby attempt to reach you again by this same email address on
the WILL. I wish to notify you that late Prof Roger Michael Needham made you a
beneficiary to his WILL. He left the sum of Fifteen Million, One Hundred
thousand United States Dollars to you in the Condicile and last testament to
his WILL.
This may sound strange and unbelievable to you with the current upsurge in
cyber crime and the likes, but it is for real and true. Being a widely traveled
man, he must have been in contact with you in the past or simply you were
nominated to him by one of his numerous friends abroad who wished you good.
Prof Roger Michael Needham, an engineer/Computer scientist who worked as
Director, Microsoft Research limited,Cambridge before he died on 1st
March in the year 2003 and was patron/life member of the Royal Academy of Engineering and also member of various societies and organisations . He was a very dedicated Christian who
loved to give out.
His great philanthropy earned him numerous awards during his life time one of
which was the Commander of the Order of the British Empire.
Late Roger Michael Needham died on the 1st March in the year 2003 at the age of
68 years, and his WILL is now ready for execution.
According to him this money is to support humanitarian/philanthropic activities
and to help the poor and the needy in our society. Please if I reach you as I am
hopeful, endeavour to get back to me as soon as possible to enable me conclude
my job. I hope to hear from you in no distant time. A call would be well
appreciated.
Note: You are advised to contact me through my secured email
address-lawpartners.bignell98@gmail.com, I await your prompt response
Yours in Service,
A.Bignell ESQ.
+44 70457-33753 (private)
Disclaimer:
The content of this message is meant to be received by the addressee only. Use
of the content of this message by anyone other than the addressee without the
consent of the E.W. KENNEDY SOLICITORS is unlawful. If you have received this
message but are not the addressee, please contact the sender immediately and
destroy the message.

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As of Yesterday

June 13, 2008 at 12:27 pm (der Fuß)

I am a hobbler!  I was given the okay to start “limited weight bearing” in the cam walker with crutches.  I had my first walking session in physical therapy and I have to admit that I am some kind of hobbling genius.  People were coming up to me in the street, asking me if I’d been hobbling all my life.  “I hobbled quite extensively in infancy and early childhood, but I haven’t had much occasion to practice over the years,” I replied, modestly.   They were taken aback at my lack of rigorous training.  “Well, clearly you were born to it.  Talent like that doesn’t lie dormant for long.  We can’t wait to see what feats you perform on the stairs next time.”  Neither can I.

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Fat? Skinny? Normal?

June 11, 2008 at 12:01 am (Dieting and Fitness)

What does it look like?  I’ve been wondering that for a while.   I only just stumbled upon this Flickr series that shows what over-, under-, and normal weight (acc. to BMI charts) look like on real people.   The results are surprising in more than a few cases.  See for yourself: http://flickr.com/photos/77367764@N00/sets/72157602199008819/

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