First Date No. 2

July 31, 2007 at 2:56 am (Dating)

Last night I had my second first date in this internet dating experiment.  I’d spoken with the man a few times while I was down in Florida.  The conversations went well, and we were both eager to meet.   So, we tentatively scheduled a coffee date for the evening after I returned from my trip.  Already I had some hope, because decisiveness is a characteristic I am beginning to admire more and more since I’d been dealing with interesting men who are unable to make the jump from cyber-courtship to face-to-face dating.

I was not without reservations.  Despite his claim of being in his 30s, the man seemed younger every time I spoke with him.  He also seemed not to get my humor; he had interpreted a few things I said in jest as calculated attacks.  I made it clear that if he couldn’t take teasing, we would never work out as a couple.  I also made it clear that if we did become a couple, I planned to have me some sex with him.

We had a relatively benign coffee date.  It had its awkward moments.  I inadvertantly insulted him by praising his small, strong hands.  About 2 hours into the date his phone rang and he said he had to go.  I called him on the rescue phone call and he was offended.  But when I asked him point-blank if I would ever see him again, he hedged, called me “funny,” and didn’t reply.

At that point, I left to use the bathroom, adding, as I walked away from the table, that now was his chance to run.  However, I couldn’t open the door to the bathroom, because the lock required a token from the cashier.  Once I obtained the token, I still couldn’t get the door to open; so I gave up.

I returned to the table, reapplied my lip gloss, and declared that it was time to go.  My date prides himself on being a gentleman.  He opened the door for me (although he did not give me enough room to actually pass through the door) and walked me to my car.

Once outside in the balmy summer weather, I realized how strong the air conditioning had been in the coffee shop.  My fingertips were icy.  I touched his forearm and said, “Feel how cold my fingers are!”

At which point, he replied, horrified, “You touched the bathroom door with that hand and you just touched my arm.”  And then he pulled a bottle of Purell out of his pocket.

I was incredulous.  “First of all, I didn’t use my left hand to open the door.  Second, it was the door, on the outside, the one people touch before they even get into the bathroom.  Besides, do you think the table you were sitting at for the past two hours is pristine?”

He didn’t put away the Purell, though.

I pressed on, “Are you a germophobe?  Do you think girls have cooties?  I guess holding hands is out of the question.”  (Meanwhile, I was really thinking, I guess you don’t go downtown, in which case, I have no use for you.)

He tried to shrug it off, but I was like a dog with a bone.  “Look, I can see you’re squirming.  Why don’t you just take a moment and sanitize yourself.  I even have some wipes in my bag that you can rub yourself down with.”

At this point he decided to put the Purell away and continued to walk me to my car.  Once in the garage I said, “I don’t know how we’re going to say good-bye since I cannot touch you.”  We air kissed and that was the end of the evening.

I doubt I’ll be hearing from him again, and that’s not a bad thing.  I’m 0 for 2.


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Road Trip Playlist*

July 20, 2007 at 2:15 am (Uncategorized)

Happy Morning Music

Miriam Makeba: Africa

Desmond Dekker: Archive

The Wild Tchoupitoulas

The Mighty Sparrow

The Jackson Five: The Ultimate Collection

The Sugar Cubes: Life’s Too Good

Zap Mama: Seven

They Might Be Giants: Flood

Monsoon Wedding Soundtrack

Moulin Rouge Soundtrack

Romeo+Juliet Soundtrack

I am Sam Soundtrack

Music to Keep Us Going

Lo Fidelity Allstars: How to Operate with a Blown Mind

Moby: Play

Nikka Costa: Everybody Got Their Something

Massive Attack, various titles

Beastie Boys: Paul’s Boutique

Fatboy Slim: Halfway b/w the Gutter and the Stars

Mellow Tunes for Traffic Jams

Garden State Sountrack

Ben Harper, various titles

Coldplay, various titles

Remy Zero: The Golden Hum and Villa Elaine

Shriekback: Big Night Music

Beck: Mutations and Sea Change

Tricky: Nearly God and Angels with Dirty Faces

Paul Simon: Graceland

Stevie Wonder: Innervisions and Hotter than July

Morcheeba: The Big Calm

Music for Staying Awake

Nirvana: Nevermind

Live: Throwing Copper

The Black Eyed Peas: Elephunk

Jimi Hendrix: Greatest Hits

Soundgarden: Superunknown and Down the Upside

La Haine Soundtrack

Akhenaton: Meteque et Mat

IAM: Ombre et Lumiere, Ecole du Micro D’Argent, and Revoir un Printemps

Stomy Bugsy: 4eme Round

Rage Against the Machine: Evil Empire and The Battle of Los Angeles

Beck: Mellow Gold, Odelay, Midnite Vultures, Guero, and the latest one

The Beastie Boys: Hello Nasty

Music to Combat Listlessness and Grumpiness

Queen: Greatest Hits

Duran Duran: Greatest

The Smiths, various titles (Seems counterintuitive, but Morrissey makes me so happy.  He got confused, he killed a nun.  How can you not smile?)

Yaz: Upstairs at Eric’s

Macy Gray, various titles

Genesis: The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway

Peter Gabriel, everything he’s done

The Neville Brothers: Yellow Moon

Nina Simone, everything

The Style Council: Sweet Loving Ways

General Public: General Public

The Flaming Lips: The Soft Bulletin and Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots

Thicke: Beautiful World

Alice Smith: For Lovers, Dreamers, and Me

Amy Winehouse: Back to Black

The Fugees: The Score

*This list is by no means exhaustive and is evolving constantly.

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Dating Correspondence

July 19, 2007 at 4:30 pm (Dating)

La Belle Helene suggested that I “mess with” men who send me inappropriate communications, rather than delete their messages out of hand.  I was leery of posting these here, but I truly believe that these men are not real, and therefore have no feelings to hurt.

Here’s a gem that I received today through a free dating site (I’ve changed the profile names to protect everyone, esp. myself):

Date: 07/19/07
Subject: hi
Message: my name is BG,i really love your black and shiny hair dont know if you culd be my friend?


Date: 07/19/07
Subject: Re: hi
Message: Since your profile doesn’t reveal a thing about you, you will have to be content with only befriending my hair.

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Facing the Dark Lord

July 19, 2007 at 4:20 pm (Family)

Inspired by MamaAss’s response to my comment, I am writing about my own Dark Lord what I must needs face this weekend: I-95.

Yes, fans, I will be hitting the highway, all the way to sunny Florida.  The prospect of driving for 18 hours is exciting, but it also fills me with dread.  Longtime readers should recall my predilection for crashing my car.  I think, however, if I manage to get out of NYC, I’ll be all right.  All of my accidents (okay, there were only two, but each resulted in substantial damage) have been in the Bronx.  I have to remind myself that I’ve driven to Philly twice, once to Boston, once to DC, and once from Birmingham to Tuscaloosa, all without incident.

Many people have asked me why I am not flying to Florida.  First of all, it’s expensive.  SuperFudge and I can drive down and stay at a hotel for less than the cost of two flights.  But, I also feel that this trip is a rite of passage of sorts.   This is a trip my father regularly made.  In fact, he became so proficient at it that he would drive those 1100 miles straight, without overnighting in the Carolinas.   I feel most connected to my father when I’m driving, and after his death I took on his role as the family chauffeur.  In doing this trip, I’m becoming an official adult member of my family.

Godsfeet, I’ve become so grown up lately: full time job, car, apartment, date, and now a road trip to Florida.  What’s next, dentures?

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The Best News Ever

July 18, 2007 at 10:24 am (Uncategorized)

Even better than a date with a boy: Tessa is coming to visit in August!

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New Girl Crush

July 17, 2007 at 2:22 am (Uncategorized)

Just got back with SuperFudge from seeing Alice Smith perform at Joe’s Pub. She was fantastic. The next stop on her tour is The Tin Angel in Philly on the 18th. So, Philly people, if you want to hear a really good vocalist belt out some complex and funky soul music, hightail it over there! Details available here.

In related news, I bumped into Toshi Reagon on her way out after the first show. I committed the faux pas of mispronouncing her first name, even though I’ve been to this woman’s house and eaten her food. Oh, the shame!

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Your Assistance, Please

July 16, 2007 at 2:01 pm (Uncategorized)

Do any of my blogging friends remember the name or URL of the site where we all created anime versions of ourselves?  I’ve been trawling all your archives for mention of it, but maybe you can do a search from your own dashboard pages?

Please to help.

Gratias ago.

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My First Date

July 16, 2007 at 1:14 am (Dating)

Well, it happened. I had my first ever date with a man I met on the internet. My summer goal is complete. I guess I should go back to working on my dissertation now.

The date was charming in many respects. We spent much of it on the swings in a playground in Central Park. It was his idea, and he gets high marks for that. He was kind and funny and he complimented me often. I won’t go into detail here about what went wrong during the date, because he was a genuinely nice guy (not a Nice Guy a la The main issue is that the chemistry was not there.

After four hours, I had to tell him. Goodness, that was difficult. He got so silent. I felt like a heel. But I had to tell him face to face. It would have been cowardly and dastardly to wait until he got home to send him the “it’s not you it’s me” email. I assured him that he had many fine qualities and would definitely find a woman better suited to him than I.

The Thin Man says I’m a heartbreaker.

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My Relationship Style, acc. to

July 15, 2007 at 11:57 am (Uncategorized)

The Window Shopper
Random Gentle Love Dreamer (RGLD)

Loving, hopeful, open. Likely to carry on an romance from afar. You are The Window Shopper.

You take love as opportunities come, which can lead to a high-anxiety, but high-flying romantic life. You’re a genuinely sweet person, not saccharine at all, so it’s likely that the relationships you have had and will have will be happy ones. You’ve had a fair amount of love experience for your age, and there’ll be much more to come.

Your exact female opposite:
The Stiletto

Deliberate Brutal Sex Master
Part of why we know this is that, of all female types, you are the most prone to sudden, ferocious crushes. Your results indicate that you’re especially capable of obsessing over a guy you just met. Obviously, passion like this makes for an intense existence. It can also make for soul-destroying letdowns.

Your ideal match is someone who’ll love you back with equal fire, and someone you’ve grown to love slowly. A self-involved or pessimistic man is especially bad. Though you’re drawn to them, avoid artists at all costs.

BEWARE: The Hornivore (RBSM)

CONSIDER: The Gentleman (DGLM), The Loverboy (RGLM), The Boy Next Door (RGLD)

Link: The Online Dating Persona Test @ OkCupid – free online dating.
My profile name: : evanouissement

Hmmm, ferocious crushes? Yep. Sounds about right.

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Heartache and Retail Therapy

July 14, 2007 at 9:54 pm (Dating)

After weeks of  going back and forth, I’ve had to end a very promising flirtation that was not living up to its potential.  It’s killing me, because the man in question is wonderful in many ways.  I think I will always be fond of him.  And, I hope to remain in contact with him.  However, things were not progressing as quickly as I would have liked, and he was balking for some reason he would not reveal.  So, as much as I enjoyed every interaction I’ve had with him, I need to find a flesh-and-blood man who will take me out on dates. 

The decision to stop pursuing a romantic relationship with the man in question did not come easily.   I woke up this morning looking like someone had punched me in the face.  Love had punched me in the face.  Damned love.

So, I did what any self-respecting woman does when she’s nursing a broken heart: I went shopping.  First stop was Sephora for my favorite perfume, Eau d’Issey.  I’ve been denying myself this scent because it has gotten almost prohibitively expensive since I first discovered it in Paris in ’96.  But, I’m feeling sad; so I treated myself.  And now I smell even better than when I stepped out the shower this morning.

Next stop, Kenneth Cole for some extremely sexy shoes.  I put on these shoes, and let me tell you, sexy waves just emanate from the feet up.  They’re high–4″–but the platform makes them extremely comfortable.  And yes, they are most flattering to the calves.

The best part is a candy-colored stripe along the back that makes the shoes appear edible.  I almost licked them in the store.

Now, to find a place to wear my new perfume and shoes, and someone to go with….Oh, Chiwetel!

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