The Cure for Melancholy

June 30, 2007 at 11:02 pm (Uncategorized)

Thank you, Belle Helene, for bringing this to my attention. It is impossible for me not to laugh at loud whenever I look at this:

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My First Chat

June 30, 2007 at 2:59 pm (Dating)

I’ve decided from now on that internet dating related communications will progress from winks/smiles to email to phone call to face-to-face.  Chatting online is stupid.  It’s slow, disjointed, and rife with grammatical and spelling mistakes.

I’m actually writing this blog entry while I’m chatting with a potential suitor.  That should give you an indication of how well it’s going.

  • He forgot who I was
  • He asked for more pictures
  • I strongly suspect he is chatting with more than just me right now

I was willing to ignore the above, but then, he got himself into deep and treacherous waters when, in response to my query about his having children, he replied, “it’s ok sweetie i have learned a long time that in this world men and women are different women are gathers and men hunters. so it’s ok i understand.”

Oh no, he didn’t.

Really, could he have found a worse person in the world with whom to pull that crap?  I nearly whipped out my blazing sword of anthro justice and cut his very good-looking head off.  But I’m trying to learn impulse control.  So, I just informed him that I teach gender and anthropology and I wasn’t trying to make a statement about the nature of women and men, I was just trying to find out what he was like.

I guess I’d better go back to the chat.  He may redeem himself.

ETA: It didn’t get better. So, I let him go, too.

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Random Eight

June 28, 2007 at 7:09 pm (Uncategorized)

From Plum and Peth by way of Yoko, eight random things about me:

1) I sing on the toilet.

2) In three years, I’ve washed my car once.

3) I have a third nipple. 

4) If there is a hair anywhere in my food, even if it’s my own hair, I will not eat.

5) When I was a child, I once sneaked an exlax pill into my cousin’s packet of M&Ms.

6) One Sunday, a few weeks after having made First Communion, I turned to my mother on the way back to the pew from the communion line and said, “Bread of life?  This tastes like the bread of death!”

7) The theme from the movie Car Wash was the first record (45) I ever bought with my own money.

8) My name was supposed to be Trevor.

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The Carrot and the Stick

June 27, 2007 at 7:06 pm (The Albatross)

Because I have decided to regress into childhood this week, my boss has come up with a reward system to get my to finish the first draft of the Dissertation That Will Not Die (hereafter known as “the dis,” since it mocks itself at me constantly) by the end of next month. I have to show her a detailed plan of action and schedule for completion tomorrow. If I am a good girl and do my homework over the weekend, she will make me a pair of earrings. Ooh, a sparkly!

We have not negotiated punishment, probably because I punish myself enough.

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Emotionally Retarded

June 27, 2007 at 3:41 am (Dating)

Those of you who know me know that I have a limited range of affect. Oh, I feel things very deeply, and I am quite in touch with my rage and its expressions. I understand and can deal with the feelings one gets in the gut: disgust, contempt, trepidation, anxiety. But the emotions one tends to feel in the chest, those emotions make me vulnerable, and do not feature largely in my repertoire. I have no tools for dealing with them when they do pop up, and I’m always reduced to a blubbering infant or a gushing schoolgirl whenever I have to face them.

Internet dating has revealed to me the extent of my emotional retardation. Good lord it’s been a rollercoaster, and I have to tell you that I’ve been doing this for nine days. NINE DAYS. Perhaps my temperament is not suited to internet dating.

First of all, if there ever was a doubt, I am incapable of dealing with delayed gratification. Internet dating is too similar to internet shopping. If I wink at a boy, should it not be as if I’ve dropped him into my virtual shopping cart? Imagine my surprise when the boys I found interesting did not wink back! No one loves me, my teenage heart cried. Pish tosh replied my rational brain. But, if you remember your teenage years, rationality has little influence over a teenage girl in the midst of a self-hating funk.

Get back on the horse is what I’ve heard most. Plenty of fish in the sea, and other fauna themed advice. Easier said than done.

Yes, I know, it’s been only NINE days. However, today I had to tell a guy I’d been emailing for a few days that I didn’t think it would work out. Sending that email, and getting his disappointed reaction, broke my heart more than anything else I’d been through during this nine-day enterprise.

God, once you open this thing up, it just lets everything in, doesn’t it?

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Note to Self

June 25, 2007 at 7:00 pm (Dating)

Punishment Assignment 

Write 50 times, “I will not obsess about men who do not call me back.”

Repeat until you finally learn this lesson.

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