Why Do I Hate Exercise?

February 16, 2009 at 3:35 pm (Dieting and Fitness)

I don’t think I always hated exercise. I’m not quite so sure I hate exercise now. I wish I could cultivate a love of exertion. Part of me wants to be one of those sporty folks who can climb fake walls, or kick people to death from across the room, or ride a bicycle to another state.

TenFeet is an incredibly sporty woman. This still blows my mind, because when I met her, she slept 12 hours a night and smoked a pack a day. Exertion for us back then was walking to Cafe Bongo/Kairos from HRE. And now she goes to the gym, even on days when she has something else to do!

I consider exercise medicine: something mildly unpleasant that I must do in order to maintain my health. But it’s not something I wake up wanting to do. I sometimes wake up thinking about doing it, but in that case I’m merely considering getting it over with first thing in the morning so I don’t have to nag myself about it later. (News flash, that argument never wins. I always choose more sleep over working out. This was before the creepy Ikea grandma started making those devilish commercials).

People talk about endorphins and the rush and the great feeling of accomplishment that comes from working the body hard. I don’t feel these things. During the first 10 minutes of any exercise, my one thought is, “How much longer do I have to do this until I get to rest?” I’ve gotten to the point that I recognize it’s a pattern, and I can push myself to the 10 minute mark, knowing that the discomfort will subside for the next 15. The last 5 minutes find me asking the same question though.

Once I’m done, I don’t have a triumphant feeling of accomplishment. I feel just as satisfied washing a sinkload of dishes. The best I can muster at the end of a workout is, “Well, I didn’t die from that. So, I suppose I can do it again tomorrow.”

Sporty folks in the audience, how do you cultivate the love?

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Now That You Mention It….

September 28, 2008 at 12:16 pm (Dieting and Fitness)

This does make me sort of sick to my stomach.  Thanks for asking.

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Bun of Steel

August 7, 2008 at 12:58 pm (der Fuß, Dieting and Fitness)

Forget the exercise videos.  Forget the strangely sexual and embarrassing contraptions.  Forget the D-list, aging celebrities grinning through the pain as they huff and sweat in the infomercials.  If you want to achieve a rock hard glute, I have the answer: Hop around on one foot for 17 weeks.  My left cheek is like adamantium, my friend.  Now I just have to hop on the other foot for the rest of the year to achieve some symmetry.

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Fat? Skinny? Normal?

June 11, 2008 at 12:01 am (Dieting and Fitness)

What does it look like?  I’ve been wondering that for a while.   I only just stumbled upon this Flickr series that shows what over-, under-, and normal weight (acc. to BMI charts) look like on real people.   The results are surprising in more than a few cases.  See for yourself: http://flickr.com/photos/77367764@N00/sets/72157602199008819/

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New Subway Ad: Fat People Stink

June 8, 2008 at 8:24 pm (Dieting and Fitness)

Fuck you, Subway!  Yes, I know, you’re the fat-friendly fast food place, right?  Jared lost so much weight eating your sandwiches.  Your sandwiches are all about healthy choices, right?  And, apparently, hatred. 

Subway’s latest television spot is set in a McDonald’s clone.  An announcer asks a slackerish dude, “What do you get with a burger combo meal?”   According to the announcer, in addition to the fries and the drink, the burger meal also comes with elastic waist pants, seat belt extensions, diet books, and extra-strength deodorant.

You know what’s a healthy choice for me?  Not spending money on their fucking sandwiches from now on. Because it’s one thing to encourage more healthful eating. It’s completely another thing to try to drum up business by insulting the target audience.

Oh, and click here to see the commercial where Subway tells us that fat people have no self-esteem and the people who love us will leave us because we’re fat.

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Big Fat Whoop

February 5, 2008 at 11:51 am (Dieting and Fitness)

According to this story, obesity is less costly in terms of medical treatment than what people first believed.   The gist of the argument is that fat people die earlier, whereas healthy people live long lives that cost millions of dollars in the long run to maintain.

I don’t quite know what to think of this story.  In some respects, it’s like saying starving people cost less money to feed, because they die of malnutrition, whereas healthy people need food for the rest of their long, full lives. 

One thing that troubles me are the graphics that accompany the story.  I am so sick and fucking tired of stories, both in print and on tv, that feature random large bellies and butts to illustrate “research” on obesity.  Thanks for that, because without your amazing photography, I would have no idea what fat looks like.  Perhaps stories about breast cancer research should show, oh, not women getting mammograms, but just random tit shots.  And the next time I read about some erectile dysfunction medication, I hope there’s photo of a big old crotch, because “science” is inaccessible to the public without illustrations.

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Tyranny of Pies

November 15, 2007 at 1:26 pm (Dieting and Fitness)

I am fearful that I am going to have some Lost Weekend-type incident with pies.  And that weekend may very well be next week, since Thanksgiving is the Pie Holiday of All Time.  Pies are now stalking me.  Suddenly, this morning, next to my fat free yogurt, appeared a chocolate silk pie in the employee fridge.

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Deprivation

November 13, 2007 at 1:14 pm (Dieting and Fitness)

I’m on day 2 of my draconian diet.  Okay, I’ll be honest.  It’s not completely draconian.  I am still doing Weight Watchers; so I’m on the point system.  The bad/good news is that I gained so much weight back over the summer that now I get to eat more points.  This week I am trying not to dip into the 35 extra points, and not use any points I gain by exercising.

So, I’m sitting at my desk, eating some vegetable barley soup, trying to psych myself up about salad and fat free yogurt while, in the staff kitchen, not 20 ft away from me, Crusty and Irmaturd are eating HOME-MADE PUMPKIN PIE. 

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Cheating

November 9, 2007 at 7:25 pm (Dating, Dieting and Fitness)

I nearly cheated on my lover, Key Lime Pie, with an inferior Entenmann’s chocolate frosted cake this evening.  Somehow, pride prevailed, and I realized I could not sink so low.  However, I did break into a giant Toblerone that someone was foolish enough to leave in my apartment.

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