More Dating Updates

March 31, 2008 at 12:53 pm (Dating)

Before you get all excited, no, I haven’t been on any dates since the history professor, unless you count my trip to Philly with SuperFudge.  (SuperFudge is the best date ever, by the way.  The highlight of last summer was attending the Alice Smith concert at Joe’s Pub with her.)

So, what has been going on in Quiconque’s online dating experiment?

1. Chicken Slinger has bookmarked my profile and has viewed it a total of 50 times!  Recall that my date with him took place last July.  And it was disastrous.   Why would you view a profile 50 times?

2. The British cad has emailed me again, this time to say he has a terrible crush on me.  Another relic from last July.  I’m beginning to feel like a love archaeologist.

3.  I had a less than fruitful online chat with someone from a free dating site.  Early on I realized that English was not his first language.  Be that as it may, his request that we enter into something serious three sentences into the chat was a little overwhelming.  The rest of the conversation was underwhelming.  He never asked me any questions about myself, and he only offered one word responses to my queries.  I didn’t want it to turn into an interrogation (TragicCrusade has accused me of this in the past) so I waited for the guy to offer some information on his own.  What did I get?  Minutes and minutes of silence.  Do I just not understand how chats work?  I must admit that this has happened a few times with other men.  Anyone else out there experiencing this phenomenon?

4. As part of my unwitting project to date all the disabled, I started chatting with a man who revealed he had spina bifida.  It seemed promising, until he later revealed that he is a chauvinist and a mysoginist.  (“Don’t talk out of turn in front of my boys.  That’s enough to make me go all Ike Turner on your ass.”)  Next!

5. I’ve decided not to renew my subscriptions to any of the pay sites.  The lack of success on the pay sites is equal to that of the free ones.  And eharmony is a big fat waste of time and money.  They try to promote themselves as a site for people who are serious and thoughtful about meeting someone, but it’s the same old crap, only wordier.


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Bonnes Nouvelles

March 27, 2008 at 11:25 am (anthropology, The Albatross)

J’ai trouvé quelqu’un pour faire mes transcriptions.  La these, elle pourrait être finie cette année!

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Another One for Zanti

March 27, 2008 at 11:22 am (Uncategorized)

And anyone else who enjoys a good, bizarre toilet story.

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Thank You, Philadelphia!

March 24, 2008 at 3:59 pm (Uncategorized)

I have returned from my brief sojourn in the city of brotherly love.  First of all, I want to thank the blog folks, Ashyknees, Yoko, Lipby, PinkLibrarian, Papertrix, Mr. Snacks, WaterlilySage, Thumbrings, and a mysterious man named Michael, for showing me real Philly love at the Taproom.  I have to apologize for not being the most sprightly guest (although SuperFudge did hold her own amongst such rambunctious company) because I was laid low by a noxious virus.

I spent most of my vacation asleep in the hotel room.  The few times I did venture outside, I was assailed by the twin evils of chills and diarrhea.   I love Philly, but it’s not a place for weaklings.  Walking down South Street while trying to achieve temperature and bowel control was almost too much for me, and even the staff at Walgreens (where I bought meds and lotiony tissues) did not care about my suffering.  (Believe it or not, as awful as the clerks are at my local Rite Aid, someone will occasionally mutter, “Get well soon” if you are buying armfuls of medicine and you look like you’re dying–WHICH I WAS.)

My hotel had a sumptuous bed and lovely smelling toiletries, but very little else to recommend it.  We got back from our short cheesesteak quest (“I want to sample one of those steak sandwiches I keep hearing about,” said SuperFudge.  I was too sick to finish mine.  TOO SICK TO FINISH A SANDWICH!) to find our hotel room open.  Could it have been the maid?  Why would she open the door and then not clean the room or empty the garbage cans?  I called the front desk.  A worker assured me she would investigate and get back to me.

Here’s the result of her investigation: “Yes, ma’am?  I am sorry for the open door.  You see, that sometimes happens when the cleaning staff doesn’t shut the door properly.”

I was delirious at several points during this illness.  On Friday night I called SuperFudge because I was convinced that it was really Saturday morning, and I was feeling too sick and exhausted to drive.  After a long and surreal conversation, she helped me realize that it was 9:45 pm, not 9:45 am.  Saturday night, at the hotel, I scratched a 2-inch bloody gash in my leg in my sleep.  But, despite these and other problems, at no point during my trip, or even during my entire life, did I need someone to explain to me that an open door is what results when someone neglects to close the door properly.

The next night we received an odd phone call around 11 pm.  SuperFudge answered the phone, and a man asked for me, saying that he was responding to my internet ad.   Then he hung up.  After calling TragicCrusade to make sure that he wasn’t playing an unfunny prank on me, I called the front desk.

“Oh yes, I sent that call to you.  A gentleman called asking for Quiconque Cole and I told him that there wasn’t a Quiconque Cole at the hotel, but there was a Quiconque Jones.  So, I sent the call to your room.”

WHAT the Fuck?

Tuesday was the best day of the trip.  I felt strong enough to leave the hotel and drive over to University City where we had lunch with Ashyknees and saw her lovely office.  Then we spent the afternoon in the University Museum looking at artifacts and the awesome Akhenaton exhibit.   The staff at the museum was extremely kind and helpful.  I actually found myself getting a little nostalgic for my undergraduate days when I worked in the subbasement.

This weekend I’ll be back in Philly, back to the Museum, for a Penny Loafers concert.  I hope to be rid of the virus by then, because there is a cheesesteak with my name on it (both first AND last) somewhere in the city.

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Small World

March 12, 2008 at 11:24 am (Dating)

I was perusing the profiles on a free dating site yesterday and found one that struck my eye.  The man in question was handsome, urbane, intelligent, well-read, witty, self-deprecating, and other good stuff.  His profile was strangely familiar.  I wrote him an email introducing myself and explaining the sense of deja vu I felt when I first saw his picture.

He replied (which is becoming rarer and rarer.  What is it with guys who don’t answer emails?) that he didn’t think we would work out.  He went on to explain why: what I had sensed was not deja vu.  I probably recognized him because he dated TenFeet last year!

When I told TenFeet about it, she insisted, “Run.  Run.  Do not date this man. I am doing you a favor, trust me.” 

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Vandals and Thieves

March 11, 2008 at 9:05 am (new york)

Vandals and thieves broke into my car this morning.  They smashed the back window, rifled through my stuff, and stole a bunch of CDs and the GPS.

The joke’s on them.  Yes, I will miss the CDs, and it will be a hassle figuring out which were taken and replacing them.  But the GPS doesn’t work, as SuperFudge and TragicCrusade can attest from our last trip to Philadelphia.  I never keep money in the car, and my satchel only contained chalk and paper.  The most valuable item in the car, a textbook worth $115, was untouched.

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That Explains It!

March 10, 2008 at 2:35 pm (Uncategorized)

It’s in the water.

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Wish Me Luck!

March 7, 2008 at 11:31 am (Work)

I have a job interview on the 19th.   It’s a phone interview; so the jacket crisis is postponed for a bit.

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March 5, 2008 at 10:42 am (Work)

There was no power in Nearby Women’s College this morning.  It was pretty awesome.  People were friendly, working in the dark.  I spent the morning in town buying lanterns and coffee, and ran into other coworkers in the neighborhood Starbucks.  The phones were blissfully silent.   Someone obtained a box of glow sticks from the main administration building.  We were thinking about using the glow sticks in a disco roller skating party in the parking lot and telling spooky stories with the lanterns in the windowless storage room.

And then the power came back on, and now it’s just another normally sucky day in the office.

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No Dogs Allowed, a Rant

March 4, 2008 at 10:06 am (Work)

What makes some people think they can bring their dogs to work?  WTF?  Every week I have to tell some entitled graduate student or snobby professor that their animals are not allowed in my office building.  And then they act like I am being unreasonable.

Some of my coworkers have allergies.  Some of my coworkers have phobias.  We work here every fucking day.  We have the right to work in an environment that does not cause us harm.

(Please do not take this to mean that I do not like dogs.  Dogs are perfectly fine.  But if I wanted to work with dogs, I would have stayed at the Jewish Blind Place or become a vet.)

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