Chocolate Porn

February 12, 2009 at 11:15 am (Uncategorized)

I’ve been meaning to post about this for some time now, and TenFeet’s recent post about Twix reinspired me.

Folks, we have to talk about the Green M&M.

You know the myths surrounding the green M&Ms, right?  Eating them supposedly makes one horny.  I’d heard this urban legend even before I knew what horny meant. 

It shouldn’t have surprised me that the female M&M character in the TV commercials is sexualized.   Red, Yellow, and Blue are all regular guys who get into scrapes because people want to eat them. 

No one actually wants to eat Green.  They want to fuck her. 

Have you seen the new premium ads where Green is jumping up and down on a bed in slow motion, rolling around on silky sheets, and gyrating? Then the scene pulls back to reveal Red, Yellow, and Blue dumbfounded and salivating behind some film equipment. Yes, we are witnessing a porn shoot.

It gets worse. Behold:

There is a French commercial in which Yellow loses at strip poker and disrobes in front of Red right down to the nut. But even then he’s not spreading his legs around a stripper pole.

First Lego for Girls and now this. Are none of my childhood joys safe?

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5 Comments

  1. salmon said,

    wait – lego for girls???

  2. Quiconque said,

    Lego for Girls came and went in the early ’90s. The blocks were pastel pink, yellow, and lavender. That wasn’t the problem. The building projects were simpler. For example, one house kit came with prefab walls. People complained and Lego for Girls was discontinued. I believe it’s been reincarnated in a modfied form as the Belville series.

  3. yoko said,

    I neglected to tell you earlier that International Pie for Breakfast Day is tomorrow– I’m sorry I didn’t give you more warning. I hope you will able to celebrate it with me.

  4. Ten Feet of Steel said,

    But I don’t want to fuck my chocolate. Madison Avenue seems to think I should, for some reason.

    While the message implications of the m&m ad are more disturbing, this ad about lust and chocolate is just visually more disturbing:

  5. Eve L. Incarnata said,

    ThankyouthankyouthankYOU for making this post. This has been irritating me for years.. the green, of course female, sexualized M & M.

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