Netflix Slugabed

January 6, 2009 at 1:35 pm (Entertainment)

I spent my delicious winter break in bed, playing the Sims2 and watching movies online.  Fifty hours of BBC/Masterpiece Theatre period dramas have taught me a few things:
  • Poor people are dirty, brutish, miserable wretches. The more miserable and brutish they are, the dirtier they are. Evil poor people have terrible teeth. Not merely crooked or missing, but stained brown with several layers of tartar, as if they clean their teeth with soil. The more evil they are, the worse their teeth, especially if it’s a mini-series based on a Charles Dickens novel.
  • Among the filthy, teeming horde of the miserable poor, there are always one or two people, who, despite their mean circumstances, manage to merit upper class attentions. You can identify these worthy folks immediately because they 1) are cleaner than anyone else, and 2) speak proper English.
  • The worthiest of poor women will not only be pretty, clean, and well-spoken. She will also not care about money. That way the young hero knows she’s marrying him because she loves him, not because she’s a grasping harlot. People who care about money will come to a bad end. Only those who do not think of money deserve it.
  • People really like going to Bath.
  • It helps if the poor maiden you are planning to espouse is an orphan. That way you only have to worry about elevating your wife, and there are no pesky embarrassing relations to deal with.
  • You may discover that the worthy poor person you have fallen in love with is actually a noble(wo)man unbeknownst to even him/herself. Good breeding will out, of course!
  • If someone coughs, even once, he or she is marked for death.
  • Being able to play the piano is an important skill for a young lady, but a serious, thoughtful, young lady–one who is clearly the most deserving of the hero’s love–will be sure to mention that she does not play as well as her rival can.


  1. La Belle Helene said,

    So the English like going to Bath, but not going to bathe?

  2. Quiconque said,

    Bathing goes against natural class divisions. Rich people are cleaner. Poor people are smelly and dirty. (In one drama, the parson always held a sachet to his nose whenever he spoke to a poor person). Poor people who happen to be clean are so because they are special and should be elevated to the realms of the wealthy.

  3. zantimisfit said,

    Rich people aren’t cleaner, they just look cleaner…

  4. Quiconque said,

    Oh Zanti, it’s okay that you don’t bathe often.

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