September 18, 2008 at 12:11 am (Dating)

Words actually uttered by my date last night within five minutes of having met me: “Oh, you have a little mustache.  That’s so cute!  I love little mustaches.”



  1. zantimisfit said,

    Whoa! wtf? Someone lacks a filter…
    You could have shot back with, “Well, I guess that means I have the most testosterone of us two.”
    I have a little mustache too but I rip the sucker out every few weeks. But if I could grow a BIG mustache I totally would.

  2. ashyknees said,

    I don’t think that comment was so bad, really. Since I wasn’t there, I can only take the words at face value. What they mean to me is that this guy was looking at your face closely, he liked what he saw, and he told you so.

    Many women have little mustaches and many men like those little mustaches. It’s another example of natural things we have that we are told to remove even though some men actually like them. Because many guys don’t pay much attention to “Cosmo” or the products in the drug store beauty isle, they might not understand that many women have ambivalent feelings about our mustaches, freckles, belly pooches, large asses, gapped teeth, laugh lines, whatever. These guys are more focused on their enjoyment of these so-called flaws. So if a guy says he likes your mustache or the way the skin around your eyes crinkles when you laugh, maybe you could give him and yourself a break and accept the compliment.

  3. Quiconque said,

    It was, as I said, awkward. It was not necessarily a dealbreaker. I just had to regroup, and try to figure out if he was negging me.

    His habit of weekly colonics (why do I even know this?), his talk of extraterrestrial life, his zealous devotion to herbal healing, his weirdly effeminate hand gestures, his clumsy attempts to touch me, his confession that he does drugs (without clarifying what “does” and “drugs” mean), and my complete lack of desire to kiss him contributed to my decision, after a night’s rumination, that he is not the one for me.

  4. ashyknees said,

    Weekly colonics and herbal healing? Extraterrestrial life? Drugs? You totally buried the ledes under that mustache quote.

  5. Ten Feet of Steel said,

    A man who comments on your mustache on a first date is a man who doesn’t know any women. And who lives a life completely isolation from mainstream culture. A man who calls your mustache cute when you already have a relationship of some kind with him is building on his intimacy with you. One who does so upon first meeting you either has some serious impulse control issues or is simply a moron.

  6. Ten Feet of Steel said,

    And it’s not because a mustache is bad. A mustache is not bad. It is not unnatural. It is not de facto unattractive just because beauty ideals say it is. However, it is the kind of intimate detail that one does not mention on a first date.

  7. ashyknees said,

    I’ll agree that the guy was a goofus for talking about the ‘stache (never mind the wackier stuff he said) so soon. That move certainly points to a lack of social skills and knowledge.

    This reminds me of a different, but related issue: guys who maybe know or think /too/ much about contemporary beauty practices. Just yesterday MJP and I were talking about how some guys are so fixated on cultural codes of beauty that they ignore the physical reality of actual women. Super manicured fingernails=hot. Blond=hot. Skinny=hot. No matter what. The equations are different for “alternative” guys.

  8. Ten Feet of Steel said,

    Wait, it took you a night’s rumination to decide you didn’t want to go out with him again? One mention of the weekly colonics, and I would have bid him a breezy adieu.

    The TMI, attempts to touch you despite lack of reciprocation, drug use, and the ‘stache comment… these strongly point to impulse control issues, which is a really bad quality in a romantic partner.

  9. Quiconque said,

    It took me a night to recall all of the things that I didn’t like. I probably would’ve given him a pass (ha!) on the colonics if everything else had been great and he promised never to mention them to me again.

    I also wanted to make sure that I really feel this person and I are incompatible and that I am not just dismissing him out of hand because he behaved unpredictably.

  10. La Belle Helene said,

    You should have told him “Cute? I’ve been trying to grow a great big porn stache like Ron Jeremy, or Mark Spitz!”

  11. Eve L. said,

    How can you pass up a gem of a man who does chakra balancing, high colonic crystal healing enemas? I agree with Ten Feet… someone you’re intimate with mentioning your ‘stache? Intimate! Someone you barely know? Clueless!

  12. Elizabeth said,

    Wow. You need to keep this guy as a casual friend, so you can set him up with anybody who pisses you off.

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