September 4, 2008 at 12:48 pm (Dating)

This lovely missive came to me from a man on a free dating site this afternoon:

Date Sep 3, 2008 09:18 PM
Subject Hi Pretty.
Message Hi Pretty.
How are you doing? Well am Dennis by name. I don’t just email random female but i found you so different and special. I am single Man i think cos i haven’t found the Right woman for me. down in my heart of heart i know that there is a woman out there that wants to love me for me and wants to be loved by me in return just haven’t had much luck in finding her but I know she is out there somewhere so I continue to search!! The voices in my head say you could be The One do you hear them, too? I’d like to start up a serious conversation with you, can I write you more sometime? I’m looking for a serious relationship, are you? All your imperfections are perfect for me. there maybe distance in between us but our hearts could be so close. Don’t you agree? Your smile lights up my screen. Want to know what your eyes do? Your smile lights up the screen like a firecracker ready for an explosive connection? You’re burning up my monitor are you always this hot? You’re just too good to be true, can’t take my eyes off of you.Got to get you into my life! I want it all…starting with a response from you if i may confess When I see your picture, the world stops as if the only purpose in life was for me to drop you a note,i will like to Get to know you better.Hope to read from you soon..


Before you ask, no, this is not any Dennis I have ever met.  But perhaps this is THE Dennis?  The Dennis I am destined to spend the rest of my life with?  I did not want to let my chance at happiness and fulfillment slip by; so I replied immediately:


This is exactly the kind of message I’ve been waiting for. You sound like a wonderful man who is ready to have a meaningful relationship. Tell me, do you like kids? I really want to have a baby in the next year. I hope you have copious sperm to impregnate me.

I eagerly await your reply,



  1. zantimisfit said,

    HAHA! OMG! I hope he replies!

  2. balladofyoko said,

    This robot’s almost convincing.

  3. yyyyyy said,

    my comment:
    Yes! i hope he replies. But he always “didnt” .
    Didnt love me , didnt reply , didnt miss me, didnt ……………………………

  4. ashyknees said,

    “The voices in my head say you could be The One do you hear them, too?”

    It’s /A Beautiful Mind/ meets /The Matrix/ meets /Some Mind Reading Movie/. And it’s creepy as hell.

  5. Eve L. said,

    Aww… ashyknees… it sounds like Troo Luv 4Evah!

    The one rendered meat product that came to mind when I read this missive from Dennis ❤ is “Spam!”

  6. Ten Feet said,

    Your smile lights up the screen like a firecracker ready for an explosive connection?

    If only you really could rig your profile pictures to blow up the monitors of scammers.

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