Ill Communications

June 17, 2008 at 8:22 pm (Dating)

Lying around waiting for this foot to heal has given me a lot of time to trawl the online dating sites.  It’s the beginning of summer and there are lots of new faces out there, looking for a summer fling.

Be careful, though, because that good-looking man with the well-written profile might turn out to be a ROBOT.  Of course, I cannot be sure, but here’s the evidence so far:

Via email, he asked me what I was studying.   I replied that I was getting a doctorate in anthropology, to which he responded: Anthropology is an interesting field, not too many people go into that field, though it does have modern applications in our society, is closely connected to sociology and psychology, and is no longer just “Margaret Mead”.

In a subsequent email, he asked me what I like to do for fun over the summer. I replied, listing all the stuff I normally do (when I don’t have a broken foot) like SummerStage, Shakespeare in the Park, Lincoln Center’s outdoor concerts, etc. This is what he had to say: NYC activities are great in the summer, I saw Hamlet in the park last Friday (great show but it is very long about 3-3 1/2 hours).

Now, this is a little like Emperor Joseph II telling Mozart that his symphony had too many notes. Lauren Ambrose is supposed to be incandescent as Ophelia, and all this man can say is that the play was very long!

As lackluster as these messages were, they were at least benign. Not so with a recent ex who resurfaced this weekend. I broke up with him in early September because he hardly communicated, never took me anywhere (despite repeated invitations on my part to get out of the house), was an incredibly selfish lover, and never seemed genuinely interested in me or my interests. In short, he was a para-player.

The first email was innocent enough and completely within his laconic style: What’s up?
Within 2 exchanges he was inquiring whether I was seeing anyone and whether he and I could hook up. When I told him to take it easy, he replied, Hey you know you like it 😉 remember you kept telling me how you liked my velvet like tip? i do miss kissing u…

ACK!! That is so gross, inappropriate, and wrong! (And a LIE. I never praised his parts because they were frightening, and we hardly ever kissed because he was never interested in doing anything I enjoyed).

More sternly, I replied that I was not interested in resuming a sexual relationship with him and that he was completely out of line. And then he backtracked clumsily, It was just words, my gosh, who said i wanted to have that relationship either? i didnt see me writing below…

So, yeah, all the things I didn’t like about him last year are still in effect. Good to know that my judgment is sound.



  1. addie said,


  2. GunMonkey said,


  3. Ten Feet of Steel said,

    A lot of boys have problems with context. Some have problems realizing that they give up the right to involve a woman in certain aspects of their life, such as, oh, masturbation, when the relationship with her ends. Just because you might have liked some dirty talk with a man once upon a time doesn’t mean you’ll like it in perpetuity. Especially when the dirty talk appears to be remembered from a relationship with a different woman.

    Another problem I find with boys is that they’re generally bad at talking dirty. I had the same reaction as Gunmonkey. “Velvet-like?” *snirk*

  4. Quiconque said,

    “Velvet-like.” Yeesh. It’s almost too embarrassing. I can’t believe I went out with him at all. This is what comes of falling for pretty boys, right TC?

  5. Eve L. said,

    Hahahaha! Mr. Too Many Notes does sound like a robot!

    I love the ones that are obviously spammed to many women on a site. I posted one of those on my OKC journal and had at least three women write to say they’d received the very same exact message.

    “It was just words”. Possible subtext: It shouldn’t matter what effect those words have on you, because… they’re just words! I mean, if you are hurt or offended, that’s your problem, because that’s your emotional reaction to my just words.


  6. Mama Ass said,

    Dating a robot might be fun….

  7. Ten Feet of Steel said,

  8. Quiconque said,

    “She’s very lovable and though she’s not a human, she can act like a real girlfriend.”

    I think Japanese engineers don’t really know how a real girlfriend acts, or their girlfriends are not romantically invested in the relationship. Handing out business cards tops the list of the robot’s abilities!

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