Dumped, or New Year’s Eve en Famille

January 2, 2008 at 11:14 am (Dating)

Despite my fantasies of having someone to kiss (finally) when the ball dropped, I spent New Year’s Eve with my family, at a raucous party hosted by SuperFudge.  Yes, you guessed it: the on-again, off-again romance with TragicCrusade is now off-again.  He broke up with me on December 30th.  And, loath as I am to issue grand proclamations regarding this strange relationship, I believe it is off-again for good.

He is still in love with his ex, which means that no amount of soul-searching or analysis can change the fact that our relationship was, in essence, a rebound thing.  He constructed me as the antithesis of his ex (his father even pointed it out), and now he realizes that he still loves her, there’s no place in his heart for me.  This, coupled with his admission that he can never be happy, made me see that I would be forever waging a futile war on two fronts with this man, trying to find a home in his heart and trying to make him happy.

And, as many who love me and care about me have pointed out, I don’t deserve that. 

Now, before you all jump on the hateration bandwagon, he and I are still friends, and we are still invested in each other’s success and well-being.  Nevertheless, it’s amazing how little tangible evidence I have of his passing through my life: a pair of underpants, some toiletries I purchased for his occasional sleepovers, four cheap cigars.   I never received a single token of affection from him.  No flowers, no candy, no poems (despite his promises), no love letters, not even a non-traditional gesture of his esteem.   I guess I should have read those signs.

From Gatekeeper by Feist

….Well they tried to stay in from the cold and wind
Making love and making their dinner
Only to find that the love that they grew in the summer
Froze

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3 Comments

  1. Ten Feet of Steel said,

    New Year’s kisses are overrated, anyway. If you’re celebrating correctly, you should be too tipsy to care by that point.

    In hindsight, I guess that explains why it came to pass that various family members and close friends thought he was imaginary.

    I emphatically agree that you shouldn’t waste time in a romantic relationship with someone who isn’t happy to have you.

  2. Eva said,

    Something I have noticed and thought in the past and my present life has proved me is that there is no way to love someone (in the platonic sense of the other half) and the other not to love you if he is actually your other half.
    When halves meet each other stay together. If they don’t, it means they were never one.
    Someone is waiting for you somewhere. I really wish you to find him in 2008. Happy new year. In Greece, we say that the one who dares wins.
    x

  3. ashyknees said,

    You certainly deserve more and I’m confident that you’ll find it. Ring in the new!

    I’m sorry it didn’t work out, but now you have your own pair of man pants.

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