Emergency Call

December 12, 2007 at 12:05 pm (Fauna Files)

TragicCrusade: Hello, what’s up?

Quiconque: Well, I was, uh, about to take a nap before I did some writing so I uh went to the bathroom and then I locked the door and I got into bed and then and then I looked over the edge of the bed to see if I had the books I needed to work on and and and I looked down and then I saw, I saw, I saw a MOUSE crawling around the books and and and and….

TragicCrusade: Breathe, Quiconque.  Breathe.

Quiconque: And then I and then I screamed and then I called you and I wish you were here because this is terrible!!

TragicCrusade: Okay, breathe.  Is the mouse still there?

Quiconque: What?!  You want me to LOOK over the edge of the bed?  I can’t.  I can’t look.

TragicCrusade: All right.  You were getting ready to go to sleep right?  Okay, important question–did you get to go to the bathroom?

Quiconque: Yes, I went to the bathroom.  I even locked the front door.

TragicCrusade: So, you’re in bed now, and there’s really no reason for you to leave it for a while.  Turn on the lights.

Quiconque: I never turned off the lights.  All the lights are on!

TragicCrusade: All right.  Breathe.  Turn on the TV so that the sound will scare the mouse away.

Quiconque: The TV is on full blast!

TragicCrusade: When you’ve calmed down some, I want you to think about drafting a letter to your super, because you’re probably not the only tenant dealing with a mouse problem.  Tomorrow, go to a grocery or a drugstore and get those D-Con traps, the round ones, where you don’t have to see or touch the mouse.   This will all help you get some agency in this process, so you won’t just be a victim in your own home.  Also, think about getting one of those sonic repellent things.

Quiconque: {on the verge of tears} Do they work?

TragicCrusade: Sure they do.  Imagine hearing a siren.  That’s the sound it makes for the mouse.  You can’t hear it, because it’s too high for humans to hear.  But it will drive the mice away.  And you don’t have any pets to worry about. 

Quiconque: Okay, I’ll get the traps and look into the sonic thing.  Waaaaah!

TragicCrusade: What?  Did you see the mouse?

Quiconque: No, I’m NOT looking anywhere but the ceiling.  This is so terrible!!

TragicCrusade: So, what’s on TV?

Quiconque: Monk.

TragicCrusade: Yes, there’s been a marathon this weekend.  That Monk is an amusing fellow.  What’s Monk up to?

Quiconque: He shot Santa Claus.  The whole city hates him….

By concentrating on the frivolities of television, I was finally able to calm down enough to sleep for a few hours.  TragicCrusade should really start a Mouse Hotline.


The next morning, in the hallway just outside my door, was a dead mouse.  Was it the mouse that had terrorized me all night?  Who can say?  The next day TragicCrusade came over and we bought a cartload of anti-mouse stuff at Target: no-see traps, poison packets, and sonic repellents.  We spent the evening setting them up around the apartment.  I hope I have made my home sufficiently hostile to mice now.

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