Third Time Pays for All

November 20, 2007 at 3:41 am (Dating)

TragicCrusade and I are over.  We broke up for the third time this morning at around one o’clock.  We never really had a chance to begin.  La Belle Helene always thought he was imaginary, and I suppose in many respects he was.  It’s astonishing how easy it is to get caught up in the fantasy of someone–in the dreams and possibilities of building a life with someone.  Yes, I know this all happened very fast, which I guess is why he couldn’t quite trust it.  But, ultimately, it came down to him admitting that he is no longer in love with me.   Once he said that, I realized that no amount of time, space, hope, or support on my part would bring him back to me.  So, I finally agreed that he was right: we never were boyfriend and girlfriend, and now we won’t ever be.

This, of course, makes me inordinately sad.  I still love him.  He still loves me.  We’re going to try our hand at being friends.  The timing is unfortunate, though, because I’d just gotten around to telling some friends about him, and showing his picture to my family.  At least now I don’t have to worry about shielding him from Aunt Greater Evil at La Belle Helene’s wedding.

Never Leave Lonely Alone by Ben Harper

Like an old man
sitting alone at a lunch counter
never leave lonely alone…
Like a small town girl
a big city devours
never leave lonely alone…
Some of us laugh
even in our darkest hour
never leave lonely alone…

Unspoken rules of solitude
wound without a trace 
A lifetime of dreams roll down your face
All that we can’t say
is all we need to hear
When you close your eyes
does the world disappear?

There’s something in everyone
only they know
never leave lonely alone…
It moves in the hidden ways
of joy and sorrow
never leave lonely alone
never leave lonely alone…

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7 Comments

  1. Mama Ass said,

    I wish I could give you a big hug and kiss.

  2. Quiconque said,

    Yeah, I could really use that. Thanks, Mama.

  3. yoko said,

    I’m sorry, Qui.

  4. La Belle Helene said,

    The good thing about imaginary friends is sometimes they are easy to let go of. Time, my dear. And space. I would wait a bit before trying to be “friends”, let some distance form between the two of you first.

  5. blueseaglass said,

    Thak you for your comment on my blog. I am so so sorry about your breakup. I am not going to hit you with any mumbo jumbo on love. What you said about how easily we fall for the fantasy of someone is incredibly astute and has triggered my thinking this morning.

    I got a solid 8 hours after an ambien last night and am feeling the healing process begin. I need to think how much of this was fantasy…

    I will be back to check in on you!

    cheers.

  6. Ten Feet of Steel said,

    Oh, this is sad. I wish I could help console you with some whiskey and sensibly low-cal treats.

  7. ashyknees said,

    I’m sorry. I agree with Helene about the time and space thing. I’m sure you’re taking care of yourself and doing the stuff you need to do.

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