Pillow Talk

November 2, 2007 at 10:10 am (Dating)

Last night my gentleman friend turned to me and admitted, “You know, until we get married, dealing with M____ [his ex-girlfriend] is going to be like dealing with an ex-wife.”

To which I replied, with conviction, “You know what you need to do?  You need to give her a deep fried turnip!”

Do not have serious relationship discussions as you are falling asleep, I mean, not if you have an obscure imagination.  I knew I was dozing during the conversation, and silently praised myself for keeping up with the discussion.  I honestly believed that my suggestion was the answer to all our problems.  I was even picturing my friend as a line cook, dropping the turnip into the fry basket.  It was only when the words actually came out of my mouth that I realized they made absolutely no sense in this context. 

He thought I was referencing some foreign custom, gleaned from my expansive anthropological readings.   Alas, no. 



  1. yoko said,

    I think your answer was perfect. That’s some heavy stuff he laid on you before bedtime– the M word and the ex. Better to deal with that when you’re both awake.

    But now I want to go home and make turnip tempura. awesome.

  2. Quiconque said,

    Yoko, does such a dish even exist? Before last night, I had uttered the word “turnip” no more than 5 times in my life, and it never before occurred to me to deep fry it.

  3. yoko said,

    Oh yes, it does exist– I’ve had it before. But even if I didn’t, I imagine you could deep-fry any root vegetable and it would taste pretty good.

  4. TragicCrusade said,

    Its so on now Turnip Tempura for a whole mess of guests

  5. Quiconque said,

    No, TragicCrusade, the turnip tempura is the kiss of death, served only to those guests we want to get rid of once and for all.

    Friends, if I ever invite you over for deep fried turnip, that means our relationship is ending. Sorry.

  6. La Belle Helene said,

    And sometimes you’re just going to have to drink rubber.

  7. Quiconque said,

    Only if you’ve left your sister’s magic markers around the world, Little-Little.

  8. Ten Feet of Steel said,

    I call my cat “Little-Little”.

    …wait, did I just admit that?

  9. Quiconque said,

    You must have picked it up from me. Little-Little has been my pet name for La Belle Helene since she was, in fact, little-little.

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