My First Date

July 16, 2007 at 1:14 am (Dating)

Well, it happened. I had my first ever date with a man I met on the internet. My summer goal is complete. I guess I should go back to working on my dissertation now.

The date was charming in many respects. We spent much of it on the swings in a playground in Central Park. It was his idea, and he gets high marks for that. He was kind and funny and he complimented me often. I won’t go into detail here about what went wrong during the date, because he was a genuinely nice guy (not a Nice Guy a la The main issue is that the chemistry was not there.

After four hours, I had to tell him. Goodness, that was difficult. He got so silent. I felt like a heel. But I had to tell him face to face. It would have been cowardly and dastardly to wait until he got home to send him the “it’s not you it’s me” email. I assured him that he had many fine qualities and would definitely find a woman better suited to him than I.

The Thin Man says I’m a heartbreaker.



  1. yoko said,

    Hey– you did it! Welcome to the world of dating (and dumping).

  2. Ten Feet of Steel said,

    Congrats on a benign first date experience!

    A word of advice, though. Nobody likes to be dumped in person at the end of the very first date. It’s not so much the pain of being dumped (it’s only one date, after all) as the humiliation of having to face a dumper on the occasion of one’s very first meeting. In person. And produce a gracious response–in person and on the fly–to a relative stranger who has rejected you. And be tried and judged all in the same instant.

    Yes, when you’ve been dating someone for a while, an in-person dumping is required.

    However, after only a handful of dates, unless they are EXTREMELY intense–and certainly at the end of a first meeting–it’s best to wait until you get home, let the nerves on one or both sides calm down, then make a phone call a few hours or a day later saying, “I had a fun time, but I don’t think we’re suited to date one another.”

    It helps the dumpee save face. And it makes him feel like you took a little time to mull over the possibilities. It also reassures him that it’s not like he ended up with a booger on his face or suffered sudden deodorant failure that compelled you to ditch him in situ to escape him.

  3. Ten Feet of Steel said,

    I would go as far as to say that e-mail is OK to reject someone after a first date. I generally don’t go that route–the phone is more courteous, in my opinion. But it’s certainly not out of the question.

  4. Mama Ass said,

    Wow. It was that obvious in one date?

  5. Quiconque said,

    Gah, I have so much to learn! Poor fellow, I AM a heartbreaker.

    Yes, Mama Ass, I knew within the first hour of a four-hour date that it wasn’t going to work, and despite Ten Feet’s rescue call, I couldn’t find a way to break free. I’ll be happy to give you the full story over the phone sometime, but I won’t go into it here.

  6. La Belle Helene said,

    Ah, you are not heartless, just naive. Live and learn, right?

  7. ashyknees said,

    Hooray for you for bothering to date anyone ever.

    I look forward to hearing the full story, if you don’t find the retelling too painful.

  8. Ten Feet of Steel said,

    Don’t get caught up in any man’s penis power:

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