I May be Large, but I Am Not a Patsy

July 5, 2007 at 1:44 am (Dating)

I have gotten several emails from men who, at least according to their pictures, are completely out of my league in the looks department.  Twenty-something year-old Mediterranean boys with washboard abs and very little clothing.  As I commented to my coworkers, the only reason a boy like that would wink at me is that he plans to defraud me of my hard-earned money.

In other news, against my better judgment, I engaged in another chat with a potential suitor.  His greeting of “hi, sexy” doomed him from the very beginning.  In his profile he claimed that he was merely interested in a PEN PAL, but his first full sentence to me was a demand for my phone number.  (I’ve never used the phone to write a letter, but I am an old-fashioned prude).  When I told him his request was premature, he asked me when could I see him.  Clearly, he doesn’t know the meaning of premature.  I ended the chat.

God, I may have to start going back to church in order to find men.

Things I’ve learned so far in this social experiment (tm Yoko):

  • I am not “easy-going” or “laid back” and you will never see me describe myself as such.  I am considering writing in my profile, “I am intense and will tear your shit DOWN if you don’t show me the respect I feel I deserve.”
  • Men who address me as “Angel” in their emails have not read my profile.
  • Use of the word “ladies” skeeves me out.   I can’t read that word without hearing a lascivious sneer in my mind. (Yes, I can hear a sneer).
  • Almost everyone who says they don’t like games or drama is lying.


  1. yoko said,

    Ha– whenever someone uses “ladies,” I think Beastie Boys “Hey, Ladies!”

    “I am intense and will tear your shit DOWN if you don’t show me the respect I feel I deserve.” – I love this. Fear the Qui!

  2. Ten Feet of Steel said,

    I similarly immediately dismiss men who address me as “Sweetie”, “Cutie”, or “Adorable”. Men who do not know me have no right to call me these things. And they have clearly not read my profile. I barely tolerate it when little old ladies call me “Sweetheart”. Though I do tolerate “Dear”. But only from little old ladies and the parents of my friends (there is an increasing amount of overlap between those two categories these days).

    The problem with having a “fear me” headline in your profile, however, is that you get a lot of respondents who say they’re looking for “strong” women–and this is usually a lie. They’re actually looking for strong women to whom they can feel superior, thereby increasing their own sense of status.

  3. Ten Feet of Steel said,

    I also get messages from gigolos and scam artists. It depends on the service–I found match.com to have quite a few. I’ve encountered one or two on FastCupid/SpringStreet whom I suspected of being gigolos.

  4. Quiconque said,

    I’ve found that if the guy lists his location as “Other” and talks about how much he travels, he’s a manwhore.

  5. balladofyoko said,

    You should put in your profile that you are a badass on a bicycle.

  6. La Belle Helene said,

    When men would engage me in bad chat, I would mess with them. Try doing that. You might enjoy it.

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